Where do I go from here?
You may have asked yourself, where are her blogs? She was on a roll and then “poof” disappeared. Well, yes. I did. During the excitement with writing blogs and sharing my journey I realized I was reaching. I couldn’t keep talking about my marriage because it is what it is now, and I didn’t want to continue feeling anything more than what it is. I can’t change what has happened or move the relationship forward – and right now that is okay. Part of this journey is finding me and through writing for those few weeks I needed to take a step back and figure out the direction I really wanted this blog to go. I needed to figure out what I wanted to get from blogging. I’ve purged all my private life to the public in order to connect people who have struggled similarly to me. I’m not a psychiatrist and don’t pretend to have all the answers but as I take this journey, I want to share what I’m learning. Adulting is hard. I struggle with my new reality and finding that I must truly look at myself and see – where do I go from here?
Eat. Pray. Love. This is my 30th year – actually, today marks 20 days from my 30th birthday. What does the 30th year mean? Well thanks to Google, I found something interesting. 30 years is a very significant stage in man or woman’s life because at 30, one is no more a child but a young man or woman. The 30th birthday is special. One is officially a mature and responsible adult who has the necessary wisdom to make important decisions in life. The 30th birthday heralds one’s adult status with measured indulgence.
In the Bible time, the age of 30 is a year of a breakthrough when some certain individual came into limelight and begin to reign.
For instance, at age 30 Joseph the 11th child of Jacob became a Prime Minister in Egypt (Gen. 41:46). Saul became the first king of Israel at the age of 30 (1 Sam. 13:1) (NIV). David succeeded Saul as the second King of Israel when he was 30 years old (2 Sam. 5:4). Last but not the least, our Lord Jesus Christ started his ministry when he clocked 30 years. (Luke 3:23).
I am so blessed to be able to see the age of 30 in just a few short weeks and to see the changes that will take over the next year will be amazing! So how does this feed into my blogging? #ModernMonday is very much still alive but instead of every Monday I will post every FIRST Monday of the month – why? I want to provide you with substantial content that challenges your thinking and pushes you towards your purpose on this Earth and spiritually. I have interviews with people lined up – conversations I am taking part of to culminate a blogging experience that truly shapes us as Modern Day Ruth’s.
Where do I go from here? Well up, of course. Lately I’ve been in this weird space where I feel the loneliest in a crowded room. My brother invited me to a NYE party and I felt out of place. I felt completely out of my element. Couples everywhere and not just that, I had friends who did their best to make the night comfortable for me but there was a moment in time where it felt like everything slowed down. The music slowed down. Couples drifted together and embraced. I turned my head and literally found myself alone. It was awful. I walked out of the room and felt the space open as if I was able to breath. For some time now, I’ve pondered over my social anxiety. Why I would cringe at the thought of going out with my friends, being in groups – doing things I used to love. Feeling unsure of myself in spaces I should be confident. So, as I figure my life in this crazy world, I want this journey of exploring love/romance, relationships of all kinds, family ties, God and personal spiritual connection to not only help me overcome the hurt space but also reconnect to figure out who I am, today. I don’t want to be trapped in this state of comfortableness where I hide from the world behind my computer. I want to be uncomfortable and live.
If you are up for the challenge with me then stay tuned. Don’t worry, I will not be radio silent for an entire month. I am working out various mediums where I can constantly connect and find ways to encourage you weekly. Stay encouraged.
Thank you for this day which you have made. Thank you for my life. I pray over the transitions and changing seasons in my life. May your Holy Spirit guide me to know what is right and beneficial. Lead me Lord! I pray that you would anoint me with your wisdom. May I endure no matter what circumstances I face. I thank you for this new opportunity you’ve brought my way. Whenever I feel nerves rising in me as a result of this transition. I remember that You, Lord, know the plans you have for me; plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. I hold on to this promise as I move through this transition and it is a constant source of encouragement for me. I choose to be excited Lord. Excited that you’ve removed me from one phase and placed me in another one. This can only mean that I’m getting closer to your plans for me. Father, I ask that you use me to be a blessing to all those I might come across on this journey. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
Pinterest: Prayer During Transition
Music Inspiration: Echo (feat. Tauren Wells) – Elevation Worship – Hallelujah Here Below
“Your love is holding on and it won’t let go – I feel it breaking out, like an echo…your love is holding on and it won’t let go…I feel it breaking out, like an echo…echo in my soul…”