“There is no such thing as a trouble-free life.” This statement is from a book my father gave me called “Keep Calm and Trust God”. He picked it up during one of his stints in the hospital. This year, he gave it to me and it’s been a blessing in some of my most troubled moments understanding God’s purpose for me – jury is still out. This particular chapter that quote it pulled from is called Facing a Crisis; if you have been following me these past few weeks, you know this year for me, I’ve been in crisis mode, often asking, why me God? And no amount of crying out, figuring, complaining, begging was going to change my circumstances. I had to reshape my thinking. I was hurting and in a bad place. I was looking at every single thing that I didn’t do, could have done, should have done to keep my husband present in my marriage but that was all small stuff. My mom told me about a book while I was in college. It was called “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff and it’s ALL Small Stuff” by Richard Carlson. Echoing what I stated in my first blog, there is NOTHING wrong with me. That small stuff I was dealing with or small stuff that you are dealing with doesn’t require your energy. The Bible says that “many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of all of them.” He has delivered me from a path of self-destruction because I finally stopped living in crisis mode. Finally stopped living as if my life was over.
Modern Ruth’s, we as women wrap ourselves into thinking our lives, as we know it, is over and it’s usually because of a man. Don’t argue this concept. This blog isn’t for those still in denial because I am certainly past that. This is truth. You leave, your life is over, you stay, your life is over; he leaves your life is over…this is truth. If you haven’t personally been through it, you have consoled a friend who has. When I asked my Husband if he thought he could live without me and he said yes, he thinks that he can, I felt my breath completely leave me. How could he say that he could live without me while I’m feeling like I can’t live without him!?
Well after I got over my hysterics (crisis mode), got into my War Room (under my bedroom covers), prayed and meditated, I thought…WOW! First of all, I want someone who wants all of me. We all should desire and need that from a partner, heck, a friend – your family – the good and the bad. I want someone who doesn’t want to live without me but wants to find eternity together. Say what!? Mila J REWIND (for all my poetry folks). This life is not to be lived as if we are to die. We know we are going to die, that is something we are promised. But there is something that is promised far beyond this short life. This life is to be lived to gain favor for my eternal soul. After looking myself in the mirror, I couldn’t believe that I was saying I couldn’t live this life without someone. Those are dangerous words to utter in a society where people commit suicide feeling those feelings. It is scary. Women fall into depression, lose themselves because we can’t live without someone. That is not a good life. Life isn’t about living for someone, it’s truly about living for God and walking in partnership with someone who has the same eternal life goals that you do. I can live without my husband. Do I want to? I am still trying to figure that out but God’s will and pouring into me is all that matters. Once I have accepted that peace, I can tell you that I haven’t cried in about a month, wait a month as of today (Praise and Progress).
I am relearning who I am as a woman. It is scary. 29ish years doing things a certain way and now I am relearning to live in a world where I live for my relationship with God and Jesus Christ. Modern’s Ruth, it’s time to do something radically different than we’ve been doing lately. Thank God for today and delivering you out of a crisis. I would like to think you are reading this weekly blog to gain some inspiration from a woman from the mid-west who just wants to be happy and happiness for me, today, is filled with the inspiration of Ruth’s journey through the wilderness with Naomi. I would like to think that you are wanting something better, greater than where you are. Or you are on a similar path in your relationship with God and want to renew your journey each week. Whatever your reason your presence just taking time to read my thoughts blesses me. That purpose I am figuring out – includes you.
From the small book my father gave me, I’ll leave you these words:
Thank you, Lord, for giving me courage, strength and fortitude to not give up or give in but to keep trusting You until this crisis is resolved.